CHAPTER 3 – FILLING THE VOID 

9 June 1970  

Step 1 – Opportunity Knocks 

The records of interactions between heads-of-state via post and telephone and perhaps even intra-personal conversations are never documented and given the technical, personal and political difficulties of such, perhaps never will be. Suffice it to say that Prime Minister Camp did not initially appreciate the lateness of the call from not-a-personal-favorite-under-any-conditions, US President Barry Goldwater, but soon did. The offer to participate with little - indeed, virtually nil - financial investment accompanied by a potentially enormous gain in personal popularity was irresistible.  He waited until the am to call in the Minister of National Defence, who waited not a moment to call the Commander of MARCOM, who waited not a moment before he called the COs of Canadian Forces Base Shearwater and Atlantic Fleet Headquarters to give them direction. And so on, the words trickled down. And suffice it to say that the word was passed at more than the speed of rumour. Not a small achievement, even in the 1970s with all of its high tech wizardry. 

Step 2 – Opportunities are presented 

The same action as described below took place in a number of offices on several Canadian Forces Bases and indeed, with slightly altered circumstances in offices at Area 51, all within the same time span. The questions asked, the responses given, the manner in which the questions and answers which were given differed slightly of course, but the whole process could be characterised clinically, as follows: 

Member enters office of Superior and pays compliments. Is told to sit. 

Superior – “I understand you have just returned from a radar and comms course?”

Member – “Yes, sir.”

Superior – “How was it?”

Member – “Great, sir.”

Superior – “Something has come up. Something of national importance. You’ve heard about the USAF plane crash?”

Member – “Yes, sir. I knew some of those guys who were killed. They were on the course with us.  Can’t say I knew them very well though. Still…some nice guys.”

Superior – “Yes. Well the President of the United States has asked the Prime Minister if Canada can provide replacements. Your name came up. You’d be serving on that spaceship.  You know anything about that?”

Member – “Yes sir. They never stopped talking about it.”

Superior – “Well? Are you in?”

Member

1/ “Fuck yes! Oops. Sorry, sir! Yes sir!”

2/ “No sir! Family? You know? Sorry sir, but I just can’t.”

3/ “No sir. I am afraid of heights. Sorry sir, but I just can’t.”

4/“Fuck no! They’re all going to die! And they know it. Sir!”

Superior –

1/ “Great. Pack your kit. You leave tomorrow. And by the way, you’re being promoted. See your boss on the way out.

2/“Understood. Thanks for coming in. Let me know if you reconsider. They’re in a big hurry.”

3/“Understood. Thanks for coming in. Let me know if you reconsider. They’re in a big hurry.”

4/“Understood. Thanks for coming in. Let me know if you reconsider. They’re in a big hurry.”

Member – “Yes sir!”

 That was the easy part. Next came the hard part. 

Step 3 – The First Casualty 

It was not the first time they had had this sort of discussion. She knew (of course) what he did, who he did it for (always) and why he did it (usually). Often, but not always, it was based upon decisions and commitments made a long time ago, before they had even met that had to be lived up to. Extended duration temporary duty and postings to challenging places were a hard fact of life for them but something more to her. They marked the loss of a job (always), the loss of often hard-won friends (always), changes in schools for the kids (always), loss of the family doctor (always), the loss of everything in fact that made up what she called ‘home’, (always). You could get tired of that. His leaving was always tough. It never got any easier. There was always a price to pay. Loneliness, depression, increased stress. And the kids! No amount of telling, of rationally explaining the necessity, of focusing on the very importance of it could do it, especially for the younger ones. Eventually, (no always) they inquired: when is Daddy coming home? Up to this day there had always been a date, a point in time when he would be back. Back home. Sure, it was usually off by a few days, but somehow the kids had come to understand the vagaries of service life. You took it. You put up with it. You accepted it. That is, unless you were willing to, for any number of reasons, to walk away. That was always an option. Walking away was always a possibility. Many had. Many had not. Walking away was a decision never made without difficulties, without a price to pay. Friends, through a manner of sharing that was uncommon to many humans and inexplicable to most, who were almost family, helped. And sometimes they were more available, more predictable, more caring, more understanding and more supportive than one’s own family. Often they shared the difficult as well as the happy moments, like birthdays, anniversaries, promotions and postings. This bonded people. But sometimes, for some of them, it was not enough. This was different. There was no end of date for this. And like war, something she had seen, felt, experienced with and through him, there was a ‘probability of death’ in this.

She heard him out. She considered this one. This latest one.

It was tough.

Fed up. A good summary phrase. A good choice of words that spoke volumes and said little, revealed little.

Afterwards, she sifted through her feelings, all negative, seeking the cause of the negativity. Unlike war and foreign service tours, this time he was volunteering. He was choosing to walk away. Not from them. No. This time it was from her; from their family; from their relationship. And more. Fed up was a good expression. Well, this was her time to say goodbye. She would walk away.

In her heart of hearts she knew there was more love left for him. But love was not enough, she’d learned, to see the journey through.

There was an imperceptible event horizon that sometimes hid unimagined/unimaginable endings.

And he would have to live with it. With all that implied.

The price of paying court to Service.